i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
