Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
