Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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