Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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