Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
