That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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