I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
