I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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