you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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