This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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