The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
