Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize