oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
