Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
