he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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