If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
