I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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