I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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