his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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