There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize