He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
