Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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