I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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