Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
