I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
