I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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