I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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