His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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