What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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