Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
