I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
