a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am one with the molecules
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
