There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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