thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wish my penis had a tongue
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
