I want to have your abortion
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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