it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize