I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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