when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
