i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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