so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
