i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
