Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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