you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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