I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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