I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
smell my finger.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
