Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
