my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I supernannyed him into submission
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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