$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
