Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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