oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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