im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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