Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
