I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
