my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
