my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
