fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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