Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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