Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Life is so much better after having sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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