I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two words: blizzard sex
COCAINE IS GR8
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
