I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
