I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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