If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
