Betty ford says i'm here all night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
