so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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