3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
