I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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