i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
