I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
