you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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