New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
