I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
