you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
