His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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