Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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